The bus that travels through Nothing.
Patient: Crowns
Health Rating: ★★★★★
Legal Guardian: Playwright Regina Taylor, Director Tim Rhoze and Co-Director Bria Walker
Surname: Fleetwood-Jourdain Theatre
Address: The Fleetwood Jourdain-Theatre 927 Noyes St, Evanston, IL 60201
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: feathers, sparkles, ribbons
Diagnosis: good hair day
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Patient: Scenes for a Green World
Legal Guardian: Playwright Michael Brayndick
Surname: On the Spot Theatre Company
Address: 2257 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago IL 60614
Insurance: Paperkutz
Symptoms: shroomy, bloomy, gloomy
Diagnosis: Alzheimers
“I meant to bring [my umbrella]. I guess I forgot that, too.”
When I had arrived at the surgery room, I was immediately impressed by the warm, metro stage. I love economical sets. The welcome was classy with the internment camp exhibit that exposed the play's tragedy. Well received, I sat pretty with my 10 dollar Malbec. It was actually nine dollars, but I tipped the bartender for opening the bottle: bravo.
The patient's script was professionally refreshing. Consistently easy transitions and tasteful dialogue put most of my pet peeves on vacation. The writing for the extended sittings do not rot the characters into couch potatoes. I'm surprised the legal guardian could crank out a stationary but engaging piece of two acts. I began to grow upset, however, when the third hour came around; I was wondering if I should exeunt to put more money in the parking meter. The meandering needed a generous slice with the scalpel.
The actors are the main source of disconcertment. Ginger Leopoldo as Hiroko was animated, clear, but disconnected from her lines. She was so unattuned that she stilted the performance with a nonstop cheerful and conventional tone that derailed from the sobriety. She was darling, picturesque, and well picked for the optimistic Hiroko, but an inability to steer these virtues led to an overcompensation that eviscerated the script's poignant points. With half of Hiroko missing, the whole play's live depth sank.
The patient's writing shone through the soliloquys. Hiroko's first love and Dina's savior mushrooms were succinct stories in themselves. Liliana Mitchell was more faithful in bringing trauma to life authentically, but even she shared the occasional flaw of being unable to frown at critical times while discussing Dina's sad past. While one could say this was the disposition of their characters as battered women projecting defense mechanisms through smiles, I focused on the actors' delivery and remain unimpressed.
Even with these mortal wounds, the ladies were identical with their characters. Ms. Leopoldo always succeeded as the supportive sweetheart and Ms. Mitchell always hit the high note as a crisp Jewish woman. The both of them are sincerely strong women; this was my initial vibe of the play. I couldn't think of more exact models for Brayndick's dyad.
The kiddies were cute. Osamu was a stud via James Macapagal; he was always a smooth operator. Emma Brayndick was an inverted edition of Leopoldo and Mitchell: her tragedy was touching but her comedy didn't reach the roof. While she containted 90% good energy, she lacked the 10% zinger that Sadie's lines demanded. Her brief moment of stage fighting was so flat that it dried out the rest of my Malbec.
The story was a success; I understood the tone, but it felt like it was lacking more drama or one more subplot, especially for the brute length. The children got along almost too easily and the mommies hardly put up a fight. The side story, thus, contained little resistance. A heavier background plot and sharper actors would bring this garden to life with a four star health rating, but for now, remains at a three star health rating.
Cameron Speta (Gardener), Emma Brayndick (Sadie), James Macapagal (Osamu), Ginger Leopoldo (Hiroko), Liliana Mitchell (Dina)
Patient: The Lady Demands Satisfaction
Legal Guardian: Playwright Arthur M. Jolly, Director Morgan Manasa
Surname: Babes with Blades Theatre Company
Address: City Lit Theater 1020 W Bryn Mawr Ave., Chicago, IL, 60660
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: Wigs, swords, the English, broken furniture
Diagnosis: Backstabbed
“Holländer!”
There was too much untranslated German. There, I said it. Next time I think a patient is going to be dripping with untranslated German, I'll bring someone who speaks German to translate all the German. Moving on, the troupe delivered an exciting performance that left me wanting more from Edgewater's circuit. My hiatus from surgery has left me so rusty that I wonder why I still call myself a doctor. The patient's story plays at intentional grandiloquence; the subtitle, "A Jolly Farce" succinctly warns you of the theme. The plot, overall, was questionable, but I enjoyed the screaming and the German.
This troupe is high strung for the better. I could not believe their consistent energy: bravo. The show demanded it, The Lady Demanded it. The players en masse ally-yooped each other precisely in comedy and stage fights. Again, bravo. Megan Schemmel as Aunt Theodosia inspired me with her ebullience. The way she poked her fellow actor in the butt by the sword brought tears to my eyes. I'm kidding, nurse, I don't cry. Schemmel was acrobatic as she was energetic. This benevolence poisoned the other actors with mad jubilance that translated into wired stage action. The sword fights where not realistic as the playbill claimed, but they were still impressive scenes.
Alongside the comedic successes came the inevitable farts. Many of the sins are written in the script. Some monologues such as Lord Abernathy's exposition came off as explicit. Looking back, Trothe was supposed to be not-the-brightest, but still I sensed that her lines became excessively flat towards the end. It wasn't the actor's fault. The worst thing I can say about the troupe was their choice in accents. The British schwa was battered, prominent, and the only note considered for some reason. The jolly farce could not sweep the honkiness under the rug; it was asinine after the first half hour. Thankfully, the German arrived and took the baton of gibberish. Amanda Forman has an inner gift for screaming German roles. She will go far. The troupe will go far. One could tell they were close when Osric... stuffed Trothe's handkerchief in his mouth. Her reciprocation of love was to... proceed to instantaneously do the same. I wasn't sure if this was a con, or an impressive pro. The camaraderie of actors is an asset at the City Lit Theater.
Babes with Blades chose a wonderful show to encourage the stories of women in the spotlight. Jolly's Aunt Theodosia is quirky without being recherché or alien. I couldn't see anyone but Ms. Schemmel playing her. The troupe gets props for top tier coordination and with that, the patient stands at a four star health rating.
Honestly, why did this story have so much untranslated German?
Felipe Carrasco as Osric, Ari Kraiman as Tilly, Daenalís Resto as Trotte, Megan Schemmel as Aunt Theodosia, Kate Booth as Penelope, Amanda Forman as Luitger, and Linsey Falls as Lord Abernathy
Patient: Adoration of Dora
Legal Guardian: Playwright Lojo Simon
Insurance: Page Page Plus
Symptoms: WW2 blues, self-esteem issues, the French
Diagnosis: cracked lens
“If you amuse him, you will be immortalized.”
The patient and I went to Paris, hopped the cafes, played phrase games and talked the snippy talk of our petite milieu. Then, Picasso was there, and paint happened. At first the patient was bold and welcoming, but the dialogue soon turned sour with explicitness. There was one gentleman who's purpose was to literally hold up a sign. Non. I was touched by the burgeoning artistic career of Picasso's famous muse, but the patient's language devolved into such intense profanity that the delicate story was not worth picking through the naughty words. An Rx will be prescribed for daily tongue washing.
Patient: The Talented Ones
Legal Guardian: Playwright Yussef El Guindi
Insurance: Paperkutz
Symptoms: immigration assimilation, lying, cheating, bewbies, dancing bewbies
Diagnosis: drug overdose
“That be-all-you-can-be lingo? That’s our bible now. None of that third world modesty.”
“You[‘re] two ships that [have] passed in the night [and] have sunk. The flame of love has been effectively pissed on and is out.” Wow, guy. Nurse, it’s a case of the bad-one-liners. We'll need to go to surgery. Prepare the scalpel so I can remove the fat from the monologues; it's all lecture. There's some original advice through the characters, but for the most part, it's unnecessary. There was: strange; punctuation, that needs a round—two with the (grammar guide). The tone and style of the characters were too explicit…too explicit. We'll need a denouement suppository because the ending was false: the characters' behaviors were conventionally unbelievable. Before you bring your cart, grab a lollipop. They've got a few nip tucks and poop plugs, but the immigration subplot was interesting and authentic. The patient is healthy despite today's need for operation. Give 'em a sticker, too. Please grab me a warm, wet towel; I can't handle another semicolon without two independent clauses.
Patient: Abstract Nude
Legal Guardian: Playwright Gwydion Suilebhan
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: masculine modesty, artistic ambitiousness, lewd-in-da-nude
Diagnosis: beeeewbies
“A dead mouse in a baggie in the fridge wouldn’t be good enough for anybody.”
Good golly, this patient was naughty. I've never met one with onstage masturbation, but perhaps I'm too Christian. The characters are initially interesting, but the story starts to meander with the introduction of the second half. Dialogue prompts become increasingly telling until characters like Lola hold up plot guiding street signs. The chit chat quality climax needs an economical slice with the scalpel. The through line vapidly condemns poor taste, but does not in turn transcend the smut it wiggles its finger at.
Patient: Undo
Legal Guardian: Playwright Holly Arsenault
Insurance: Paperkutz
Symptoms: pessimistic plot, saccharine symbolism, miserable MC
Diagnosis: pre-crashed wedding
“Isn’t it awful how something can make you feel like you’re on fire and then just turn into another old habit?”
To the morgue with this one, Nurse. The patient was moribund with a wedding premise that could not be flatter. The dialogues were a string of familial relationship surmising that did not serve to create a plot. The exchange of language between characters was natural and flowing, but every soul on stage held the final wedding in such dreary contempt that it is a wonder why the audience should inversely feel the need to stay in their seats. Characters are explicit when the symbolism isn't. The blue wording was the most creative part of the piece. I can include almost no positive feedback as the patient's illness is terminal. The main character's irreverence occasionally glimmered with enough snark to make a few sentences from each scene memorable. Advice for patient reincarnation would include a defibrillator to the plot premise, comedic relief without naughty swear words, and an MC who wouldn't mind being a part of her own story.
Patient: Evidence of Things Unseen
Legal Guardian: Playwright Katie Forgette
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: delusional optimism, drunken melancholy, Christian sentiment
Diagnosis: woodpecking dissociation
“We’ll feed the missing ducks with our forgotten bread. How does that sound? ”
At first, I thought the patient was in an immediately critical condition! It is not wise to build friction against an antagonist with oopsie daisy upon oopsie daisy. Accidents are accidents. However, the legal guardian's clever writing helped net my doubts and illuminate the sober, tragic purpose, thus inverting my negative perspective. The one liners were fantastic; the characters provided emotional contrast without rigid dichotomy. I would gladly raise this piece's health rating to five stars, but language is still to be mended with the Rx. Stage context is frivolously specific. Would the audience notice if the actor did not speak in a "slight 19th century courtliness"? The major deterrent, however, is the MC's occasional girlishness. For all the professional dialogue and intelligent characters behind her, she drops the ball at crucial moments more than once to be forgivable.
Patient: Purple Cloud
Legal Guardian: Playwright Jessica Huang
Insurance: PagePay Plus
Symptoms: silent seniors, war trauma, Chinese chicken
Diagnosis: assimilation anxiety
“Orville Wilbur, Son of Lee. Always follows the rules. Believes in handshakes, Reganomics and the nightly news.”
The patient greeted me with a "Once upon a time." They shook my hand and "Once upon a time" was all over my gloves. It was a forgivable cliche, and past that the patient seemed healthy. We talked of Chinese patriarchal legacy which made for a great through line. However, their form puts the content at a direct risk. Transitions were too contrasting. Jumping from living room to game show was too large a sideshow. The symbolism was barking at me. I felt fear, nurse. The late parts of the story left me with an anomaly conclusion that things were boiling along; yet, somehow, I felt like the script could have been 20 pages longer.
Patient: Less Than Human
Legal Guardian: Playwright Paul Vintner
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: angry animals, Martian melodrama, scalp scars
Diagnosis: eerie
The patient has fur, lots of fur. The story is sad, lots of sad. Animals were treated... Less Than Human. Their name is a tad cliche, but its purpose is poignant. The plot was all over the room like a rabid squirrel. Significance was scattered until the end, yet I was still unimpressed by then. Dialogue with the patient was... awkward. Characters like Kylie are notably monotone with too many unintended character flaws. There was a dead dog.... he had to be buried... then relief sex. Please check the full report. Suggested Rx for the patient would be to get their hands out of the sock puppets because the characters are too forced when they don't come off as automatons.
Patient: Good Guy with a Gun
Legal Guardian: Playwright Philip Kaplan
Insurance: Paperkutz
Symptoms: rifle rumination, host hazing
Diagnosis: righteous revolver rage
The last case was a dangerous one; quarantine for the patient was arranged immediately. Good Guy with a Gun was blistered with writing illness that could escalate if not treated immediately. It's a story about a game show that lacked logical flow and fell flat with its plot. Wayne's personality may have been designed with humor in mind, but it doesn't survive when he starts to lecture about guns. He orchestrates the play as a bland pro-gun commercial. Nadal also laughs out loud more than I think a normal human being would, making his character unbelievable. Why does Betty Jo say "I'm not qualified to make a decision" when asked who she thinks is the honest contestant? The hiccups in sense continue throughout the piece. To the legal guardian's credit, I personally don't understand the jokes. I don't know much about gun culture and consequently, didn't appreciate the satire that's bustling within. The bottom line is that the technical flaws would deter both people who are and aren't familiar with guns. The emergency room is ready for you, Doctor.
Patient: Ghost Walks Into a Bar
Legal Guardian: Playwright Mora Harris
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: spookies, shaking, screaming, chilling, drinking
Diagnosis: ectoplasm overdose
“People say time heals all wounds. To those people I say... I got shot in the stomach.”
Uh oh. The patient's first words were "Hi, good evening." There were some funny jokes to open up to, but for a comedic play, one couldn't help but notice the stinky ones that piled up. Characters at the mic such as Andre are nothing more than a free association of quotidian existentialism. The characters are self-aware that they are not a riot. Bad move; I kept reading. Even if the play were to utilize the scalpel to rid itself of frivolous chat, a reader would still be lost looking for the main idea. The story's platform is a good start, but the patient is thoroughly infected with an overcompensation of casual spirit that only serves to excuse its own dearth. My Rx will be 1000mg of DeAuthenticity taken daily.
Patient: Magical Thinking
Legal Guardian: Playwright Joel Adlen
Insurance: Pagepay Plus
Symptoms: tense tarot tapping, French fussing
Diagnosis: righteous restaurant revelations
“Because Life takes Strength! And Love— love is the real magic. Love and Life in this moment is what we really got.”
Although short, sweet, and very straightforward, our recent patient arrived with immediate signs of illness. The reader is dropped suddenly into a restaurant without much introduction. Even though much of what is going on is explained later, it doesn't cure the awkwardness felt initially. Some of the dialogue came upon me as clunky and not very believable. Vicki doesn't really sell herself as a character. Mike switches from stubborn old trucker to open-sesame minded about the "B.S" magic for his wife. It was too quick a change of heart. The Rx for the legal guardian is to focus on improving each character's personality to be more believable while working to include more context in-between major plot points.
Patient: Theory of Nothing
Legal Guardian: Playwright Lolly Ward
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: unstable relationships, unstable universe, emotional black holes
Diagnosis: false singularity
“I ordered Chinese for dinner. I thought that was a fitting way to celebrate the new breakthrough. Noodles for the string theorists and thick soup for everyone else.”
Nonfiction science decorated and propelled the plot, but the rocket ship never took off for me. The characters were a tad unbelievable. The umpteenth marriage/divorce plot had me only faintly interested. Yet, the legal guardian is truly giggle worthy. Unique characters, good jokes, and intelligent themes are within, but personally, I wasn’t interested. I think this one's tainted with subjective preference, Nurse 911. That, or I'm just too uninformed on monopoles to immerse myself.
Patient: Heads
Legal Guardian: Playwright E.M. Lewis
Insurance: Paperkutz
Symptoms: bloody claustrophobia, despair
Diagnosis: hostage
“Fast and rough and terribly... methodical about it, they were. I remember thinking, ‘They’ve taken everything.’”
Delightfully miserable and intellectually sober, the dialogues of war trapped journalists made a convincing horror story. It's been awhile since I've been so interested in a script's context. The offstage action with the hostage videos heinously charged the scene. I hate and love the cold blooded, sordid, and awkward feelings that modern terrorism brings. The only thing that irked me was the consistent, juvenile blue wording. The drama prevails, however, to surpass these blips.
Patient: Alice Out of Wonderland
Legal Guardian: Playwright Jared Strange
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: tea tantrum, adolescent angst
Diagnosis: mild depression
“You may think, if you must. I find it quite a trivial exercise, myself.”
Poor Alice. She’s all grown up, or at least trying to be. Her nostalgia can no longer negotiate with her sober future. She no longer understands the difference between “drink me” and “eat me.” While the emotions induced were certainly poignant, I couldn't help my hunger for better phrasing and language. Rx will be a diet hunger-buster for moi. The intro could be more concise. I was a bit confused as to how, exactly, did Alice and the Hatter come to meet up in the first place? Is there SMS service in Wonderland?
Patient: The Bottle Tree
Legal Guardian: Playwright Beth Kander
Insurance: PagePay Plus
Symptoms: awkward adolescence, sober psychology
Diagnosis: ghost whispering
“This whole thing— everything— it’s not who we are. It’s what happened to us, but it is not who we are.”
The patient smelled of evergreen cologne and symbolism. The bottle tree of The Bottle Tree is exploited generously without getting stale. The legal guardian constantly found new ways to perceive the tragedy through the bottle tree's decorated simplicity. The author's note said they want to open the discussion on gun violence from both sides, but there was no dialectical discussion. It was one sided; there was no pro-gun character on stage. It's not guns n' philosophy, but it nobly spoke on behalf of the victims of gun violence through drama, which told the best tale. A notable concern was the client/psychologist relationship that could have moved along faster. Also, the sad reflections within the drama feel spacey and redundant at times, especially with the reoccurring idea of victims dealing with gun violence stigmas, "It's not who we are."
Patient: Galactic Orphans
Legal Guardian: Playwright Megan Tabaque
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: interplanetary scrubs, annoying sister, quesadillas, weedijuana
Diagnosis: womanhood
“Those French dweebs are trash talking us. I can smell their cheese breath.”
The patient boot up well with its ordinary to extraordinary scene description. “Sometimes the dust turns into stars, the furniture into planets, and the snacks into space trash.” The plot took off but was soon bogged down by inessential dialogue. Many chapters need a 25% slice with the scalpel. The story continued to be thought provoking via the aforementioned ordinary to extraordinary formula, but it was consistently diluted with kiddish vulgarity. Young at heart is its genre, but there were still too many quarters in the swear jar. The catharsis also felt like a work in progress. In order to cure the filler dialogue and weak phrasing within the denouement, the patient must make some repairs on the mothership before dispatching again.
Patient: Henry Moore is Melting
Legal Guardian: Playwright Jenny Seidelman
Insurance: Paperkutz
Symptoms: grand theft pretties, Irish black tea, the fuzz and the boss
Diagnosis: fish sleeper
Shite. Why do the Irish have the best one liners? The legal guardian kept the patient chipper with only the best in mob dialogue. One cannot do gangsters without good dialogue lest they find themselves eating the butt of their cigarette in boredom. The protagonist is the most romantic thug I've ever artistically met. His soul says “artist,” but his gun says "gypsy.” The patient is four stars healthy but grew up too quickly. I’d like to see more scenes where the brothers and bar fiancée develop further with their character bonds.
Patient: Big Black Balloon
Legal Guardian: Playwright Eljon Wardally
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: exercise exhaustion, energy drink overdose, speckles of narcissism
Diagnosis: exploding stomach
“Henry: My ears are ringing. Gerald: Those are angels cheering for you.” Nurse, I thought we said no more jazzercise in the office. That includes patients. The dialogue between Me vs. Not-Me-Me went well. The legal guardian practiced tact when illuminating the stressful condition of eating disorder. The tone was new for me; it was a blend of bizarre, slightly scary, but often funny. The story frequently broke from reality for artistic effect and dramatic build, yet it didn't feel surreal or stretched. While the piece was memorable, for me, there was too much confusion in the catharsis. In addition, the patient had an unnecessary potty mouth. It really weighed down any progress made by the story or writing.
